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By : Nikki Savage


I have believed in my past that by eliminating from my sight all the scary, painful, ugly bits I find in life, I can somehow eliminate them from my knowing.  But I have found that these are the things that offer me the most growth.  And if left abandoned, these are the things that will keep me from living a life as my most authentic self.


Life has forced me to confront these things.  Over and over with circumstances beyond my control where I lost my pride, my confidence and my faith.  In those spaces of chaos, the hurt or the fear I experienced drew some dark truths from the depths of my soul.   Each time I felt desolate or tortured or humiliated or broken, I found a new low to explore within.  But before my awakening, I couldn’t be rid of the stench of my pain fast enough.  So I’d deny these lows existed.  I mistakenly thought I was healing.


But the truths I glimpsed there, though dark, are still true.  Truth isn’t always pretty.  And if I hope to reach my fullest potential, my soul’s compass must recognize both poles.  So I’ve sought to befriend my dark truths.  I must know my edges to find my center.


To get comfortable enough to explore my low spots has required forgiveness.  A forgiveness for the ugliness inside of me and for times I knew better than my actions or words would suggest.  It is acceptance or else filter the ugliness from my experience and risk living falsely.


The way I see it, if I can’t accept all the truths I’ve encountered, then the ground I stand upon is a lie.  And my roots will be too shallow to grow me up to the heights I know I can reach.  But if my roots can go a bit deeper, I can reach a place where the winds can’t rattle my soul.  Because I can find my true center and can give myself the grace to bend with the storms.


And so I keep digging.  Further down the rabbit hole I go.



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3 Responses

  1. This retheading left me in tears .This is the battle I am fighting with no ground still continuing .Help me if you can

  2. I believe, eliminating the scary, painful and ugly bit of life doesn’t takeaway the experience acquired or the lesson learnt, it only take away the fair, the pain and the guilt that exists in our minds.

  3. Julie, it is not an easy task finding that ground. I have faith that you will though. Sometimes we have to sit with what makes us deeply unsettled that lies outside of our control and let it shake us up. Then sit and allow the pieces to fall back and do our soul work from there. Find your center and balance from that place. Sending love and light to you!

    oluwafemi, I agree. I don’t let these things reside with me or alter my present experience. But I found myself denying the ugly bits altogether. I know I have to let them be what they are, take what I can in the form of wisdom and growth offered, and let all that will not serve me on my path go.

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